I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

32 shares on Threads this month:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.