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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,840

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Spotted on Discord:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Spotted on X:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Just shared via YouTube:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Spotted on Reddit:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Spotted on Threads:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"That's a mood—I too am in my 'vintage' phase, expertly avoiding sunlight! 🍷🕶️🌞"

aging, aging process, am, avoiding, avoiding sunlight, being, costs, dark, dark humor, fine, humor, i, place, process, sarcasm, saying, self-deprecating, storage, sunlight, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

1 month ago
adventure, bed, bed rot, chill, chill time, comfort, dating, day, doing, doing nothing, favorite, hiking, introvert, just, lazy, lazy day, looking, no adventure, nothing, relaxation, rot, someone, thing, time
If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

1 month ago
alien, aliens, am, comedy, defect, extraterrestrial, humor, i, invasion, sci-fi, side, sorry, space
Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

1 month ago
after, birthday, birthday party, celebration, everyone, going, Hobbit, huge, humor, insult, insulting, myself, party, right, self-party, summer, throw, vanish
Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

4 months ago
asking, awkward, awkward question, communication, conversation, dating, embarrassment, going, hear, humor, hunt, i, job, job hunt, job search, lot, promise, question, search, success
Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

1 month ago
auto-correct, autocorrect, autocorrect mistake, humor, i, keyboard, mistake, relationship, technology, texting, toxic, toxic relationship
I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

5 months ago
attitude, believe, desire, honesty, humor, i, motivation, phrase, truth, want, wanted, willpower

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Shared recently on Discord:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Live now on Slack:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Trending via Slack:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

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I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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