Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Spotted on Telegram:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Spotted on WeChat:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Breaking via Messenger:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Trending via WhatsApp:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Spotted on Discord:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Breaking via TikTok:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Seen just now on Threads:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the struggle of getting out of bed, playful and relatable humor.

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Commentary:
Sounds like my bed is the only thing holding me together! 🛏️😂😴

bed, body, getting, getting out of bed, handle, humor, laziness, morning, morning struggle, much, nonsense, struggle, sure, tired

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on X this month:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

63 shares on Twitch this month:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

54 shares on Threads this month:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Just shared via Pinterest:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Making waves on Telegram:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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