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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Just shared via Discord:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Just shared via YouTube:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Shared recently on X:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Live now on Twitch:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Broadcasted on X:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Going viral on Messenger:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

2 months ago

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Laundry is my arch-nemesis; it scares me more than binge-watching horror movies alone 🤦‍♀️🙈🧺

alone, away, bored, boredom, home, home alone, humor, imagine, laundry, me, mind, procrastination, put, relatable, self-reflection, still

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93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

96 shares on Discord this month:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Shared recently on YouTube:

How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Making waves on Discord:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Making waves on Reddit:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Trending via Messenger:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

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Activity Log ✨

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨