Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Spotted on Threads:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess the neighbors must be on the naughty list or Santa really needs those air miles! 🎅✈️🏠

20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

0

2 months ago

accessory, beauty, care, daily, daily routine, fashion, feeling, forgetting, humor, jewelry, literally, perfume, personal, personal care, put, routine, worst
I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

0

2 months ago

around, bear, casual, eat, eating, friends, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, pantsless, pooh, Pooh Bear, relaxed, want
Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

0

2 months ago

around, Craigslist, dark, dark humor, everyone, humor, internet, joke, marketplace, murder, online, online marketplace, over, safety, still
Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

0

2 months ago

commitment, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, irony, prison, properly, sarcasm, workout
Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

0

2 months ago

astrophysics, bed, hair, humor, i, know, looking, lot, morning, science, surprise, wake, wake up, wet, wet hair, woke
Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

0

2 months ago

apparently, communication, culture, forehead, humor, interaction, internet, internet culture, intro, poke, rude, rudeness, sarcasm, skip, social, social interaction, someone, start, talking, yell, yelling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Facebook this month:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

73 shares on Discord this month:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

49 shares on Threads this month:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Spotted on Facebook:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Going viral on Discord:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Just landed via Reddit:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Live now on Telegram:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Going bananas on Discord:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Making waves on Twitch:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨