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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Live now on WeChat:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Going viral on Discord:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Making waves on Discord:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Making waves on Slack:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Just landed via Snapchat:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Just landed via Slack:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Clever quote about resisting the urge to impress others in your 20s with playful wisdom.
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Commentary:
Doing life like it's a talent show, but the judges are imaginary. 🎤👀🙈

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

29 shares on Threads this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

64 shares on X this month:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

74 shares on X this month:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

87 shares on X this month:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Spotted on Reddit:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Going viral on TikTok:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Trending via Threads:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Breaking via Discord:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Just landed via Threads:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Live now on Telegram:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Live now on Instagram:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Spotted on Threads:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

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