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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Live now on WeChat:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Shared recently on Discord:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Going viral on Telegram:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Trending via X:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Spotted on X:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

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Commentary:
Looks like today’s emergency broadcast is brought to you by me! 🚨🎈🍰

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

11 shares on Instagram this month:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

77 shares on Threads this month:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Just landed via YouTube:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Shared recently on X:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Trending via WhatsApp:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Just shared via X:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Just shared via Facebook:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Breaking via Threads:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

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