Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Back to the Future and chill?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,866

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Seen just now on Twitch:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Going bananas on X:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Just landed via Threads:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

6 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like today’s emergency broadcast is brought to you by me! 🚨🎈🍰

attention, attention seeker, birthday, conversation, embarrassing, embarrassment, every, feel, humor, me, need, seeker, tell, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

0

2 months ago

comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine
If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

0

2 months ago

40, age, clothes, couch, display, fashion, humor, laying, mannequin, over, over 40, people, should, stores, want
Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

0

2 months ago

apology, costume, flirting, foreplay, humor, i, know, med, med school, nurse, nurse costume, play, role, role play, school, self-awareness, sorry, take, too
Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

0

2 months ago

activity, close, concert, experience, fun, fun activity, going, grass, heart, hold, i, live, live performance, music, performance, recommend, song, touching
Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

0

2 months ago

addicted, addiction, bad, bad posture, body, body position, comfortable, humor, position, posture, shrimp, sit, sitting, why
If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

0

5 months ago

delay, humor, ID, joke, laziness, pill, procrastination, take, tomorrow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

41 shares on X this month:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Broadcasted on X:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Freshly posted on X:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Going viral on Twitch:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Breaking via Slack:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Making waves on Facebook:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Just landed via TikTok:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Going viral on Telegram:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨