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Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,639

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Seen just now on X:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about dread over upcoming team-building retreat, humorous and sarcastic tone.

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Commentary:
Sending virtual hugs and an emergency supply of caffeine! ☕️😅 Good luck surviving the trust falls!🤞🏻😂

colleague, department, difficult, difficult time, humor, just, learned, news, office, planning, retreat, sarcasm, team building, terrible, thank, thoughts, time, work

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71 shares on Discord this month:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

25 shares on Slack this month:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Trending via Pinterest:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Making waves on Facebook:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Going viral on Reddit:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Trending via Messenger:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Are you a software update, because not now!

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I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

You should be able to call in sad to work.

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

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I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

You should be able to call in sad to work.

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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