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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,063

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Just landed via Telegram:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Live now on X:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Just landed via Snapchat:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Just shared via Telegram:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Sending virtual hugs and an emergency supply of caffeine! ☕️😅 Good luck surviving the trust falls!🤞🏻😂

colleague, department, difficult, difficult time, humor, just, learned, news, office, planning, retreat, sarcasm, team building, terrible, thank, thoughts, time, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

0

2 months ago

challenges, cowshed, humor, life, metaphor, next, perspective, step, struggle, turd
There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

0

2 months ago

3, annoying, billion, friends, friendship, humor, i, life, loneliness, people, social, social life, world
Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

0

2 months ago

argument, avoid, communication, enough, face, function, humor, husband, i, marriage, mouth, relationship, shut, subtitle
Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

0

5 months ago

bedding, casual, casual speech, drunk, evening, going, humor, just, me, morning, pissed, speech, strip
I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

0

2 months ago

arrow, back, before, choice, decision, experience, hit, humor, i, internet, just, leave, me, navigation, page, said, technology, user, user experience, website
Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

0

2 months ago

call, clarinet, customer, customer service, enjoy, entertainment, five, humor, important, long wait, minutes, music, next, number, service, us, wait, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

43 shares on X this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

97 shares on X this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Just landed via Messenger:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Going viral on TikTok:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Trending via WhatsApp:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨