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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Just landed via TikTok:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Going bananas on Discord:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Spotted on Snapchat:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Live now on Slack:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Going viral on Reddit:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about dread over upcoming team-building retreat, humorous and sarcastic tone.

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Commentary:
Sending virtual hugs and an emergency supply of caffeine! ☕️😅 Good luck surviving the trust falls!🤞🏻😂

colleague, department, difficult, difficult time, humor, just, learned, news, office, planning, retreat, sarcasm, team building, terrible, thank, thoughts, time, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Telegram this month:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

Talents: eating!

23 shares on Discord this month:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Making waves on Twitch:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Going bananas on YouTube:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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