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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,886

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Making waves on Slack:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Going bananas on WeChat:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Making waves on YouTube:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Spotted on Messenger:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Just shared via Threads:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sending virtual hugs and an emergency supply of caffeine! ☕️😅 Good luck surviving the trust falls!🤞🏻😂

colleague, department, difficult, difficult time, humor, just, learned, news, office, planning, retreat, sarcasm, team building, terrible, thank, thoughts, time, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

0

4 months ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

0

2 months ago

everyone, existence, human, humor, internet, laugh, smart, stupidity
Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

0

2 months ago

away, bird, fly, freedom, God, humor, i, me, people, poop, wish
Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

0

2 months ago

advice, cooking, humor, marriage, pancake, pancakes, relationship, sometimes, throw, throw out
The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

0

2 months ago

aging, body, fitness, flat, flat stomach, health, humor, i, miss, nostalgia, only, past, stomach, thing, weight
They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

0

2 months ago

attraction, cheat, cynicism, dating, humor, just, lie, manipulate, pick, pretty, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

30 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Come on, karma, do your job.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Just landed via TikTok:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Breaking via Pinterest:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Making waves on X:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Breaking via Messenger:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Just shared via Slack:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Spotted on Facebook:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨