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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has viewed:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from has bookmarked:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Someone from has viewed:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Someone from has viewed:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Someone from has downloaded:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Someone from has copied:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from has viewed:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Someone from has viewed:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2325 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,487

Funny Quotes Topics

15,191

Funny Quotes Images

12,487

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Discord:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Going viral on Telegram:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Trending via TikTok:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Just shared via Twitch:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Just landed via Instagram:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"That's certainly one way to skip the 9-to-5 grind! 😂👶🚫 #LifeHack"

being, born, employed, employment, existential, humor, humor quote, i, job, life, recommend, sarcasm, unemployed, unemployment, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has bookmarked:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from has downloaded:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Someone from has copied:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from has downloaded:

Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from has shared:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from has copied:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Someone from has copied:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from has downloaded:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Shared recently on Discord:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Just shared via TikTok:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Trending via Pinterest:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Trending via Messenger:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Just landed via Reddit:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Making waves on WeChat:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Live now on Facebook:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I love my bed so much, what a place.

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Activity Log ✨

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

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