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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Going bananas on X:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Just landed via Instagram:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Trending via Snapchat:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Shared recently on X:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Making waves on YouTube:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like the only thing hotter than the core of a nuclear reactor is the drama unfolding before our eyes! Jesus take the wheel, because this meltdown is reaching Chernobyl levels of intensity. Someone call the firefighters, we've got a situation hotter than a reactor core here!

Chernobyl, comparison, disaster, exaggeration, humor, Jesus, meltdown

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

34 shares on Discord this month:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

44 shares on Threads this month:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

47 shares on X this month:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

78 shares on Threads this month:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Just landed via Slack:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Going viral on Slack:

Long story short, I survived.

Just shared via Facebook:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Just shared via Threads:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Just shared via YouTube:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Spotted on Slack:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

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