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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Trending via Reddit:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Spotted on Twitch:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Making waves on Threads:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Playful quote about trying horse impressions and not getting ketamine approval.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the doctor wasn't horsin' around when it comes to prescribing ketamine! 🐴💉 Maybe try neighing for a second opinion? 🤣 #DoctorIsNotBuyingIt"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Facebook this month:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

93 shares on X this month:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

39 shares on X this month:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

46 shares on X this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Just landed via YouTube:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Just landed via Instagram:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Breaking via X:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Just landed via Threads:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Just landed via Twitch:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Going bananas on Facebook:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Going viral on Slack:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

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