Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.