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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Shared recently on Reddit:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Trending via Instagram:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Making waves on YouTube:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Going bananas on X:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Spotted on Threads:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Breaking via TikTok:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

11 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about players fighting over a single football on the sidelines.

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Commentary:
Who knew that football was secretly a game of playground keep-away? 😂🏈🙈

ball, enough, fight, football, humor, just, literally, making, over, player, players, reason, saw, sideline, sport

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70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

54 shares on X this month:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

41 shares on Discord this month:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Just landed via Facebook:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Trending via Twitch:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Live now on Discord:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Just shared via Slack:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Going viral on Slack:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Spotted on Discord:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Making waves on X:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

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Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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