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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,276

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Spotted on Messenger:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Making waves on Threads:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Trending via Pinterest:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Just landed via WeChat:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Just shared via Threads:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

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Commentary:
"Maybe they call a time-out. 😂⚾️👒 #BaseballKisses"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

17 shares on X this month:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Going viral on Slack:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Going viral on Messenger:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Just shared via TikTok:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Going bananas on Threads:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Trending via Facebook:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

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