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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has copied:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has shared:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has copied:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has copied:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

I run a parody bank account.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via WhatsApp:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Seen just now on Telegram:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Trending via Messenger:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Just landed via Instagram:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Making waves on Threads:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Living la vida taco!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Playful quote about the challenge of kissing while wearing baseball caps, humorously questioning players' skills.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe they call a time-out. πŸ˜‚βšΎοΈπŸ‘’ #BaseballKisses"

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

80 shares on Threads this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has shared:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, β€œthink twice, adventurer.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has shared:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has copied:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has copied:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has copied:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Making waves on Telegram:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

β€œThose tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Trending via Slack:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Making waves on Reddit:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Trending via Pinterest:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Just shared via Slack:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Shared recently on Twitch:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

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