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Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Just shared via Messenger:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Just shared via X:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Going viral on Facebook:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Just landed via Twitch:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Live now on YouTube:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Just landed via Reddit:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

2 months ago

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"Following my lead: the express lane to comically epic failure! 🎢🤣 #GuideToDisappointment"

disappointment, example, failure, guide, humor, humor quote, irony, let, motivation, sarcasm, success

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63 shares on Slack this month:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

54 shares on X this month:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

41 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Making waves on Reddit:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Going viral on Slack:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Going viral on WeChat:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Trending via Slack:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

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Activity Log ✨

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

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Activity Log ✨

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨