Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,509

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Going bananas on Threads:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Just shared via Twitch:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Shared recently on WeChat:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Just landed via Twitch:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Just shared via TikTok:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Trending via Instagram:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Clearly, those umbrellas are on duty to protect the fizz from UV rays! ☂️😎🥤"

absurdity, comedy, humor, irony, lighthearted, little, paper, parody, question, quirk, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

0

2 months ago

admit, bring, buried, clutter, digital, digital mess, front, great, humor, i, library, mess, organization, phone, phone use, photo, photo library, screenshot, screenshots, system, taking, tech, tech humor
Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

0

2 months ago

chairs, design, ergonomics, humans, humor, know, people, questioning, sarcasm
Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

0

3 months ago

application, ask, being, choose, employment, exploitation, humor, i, job, job application, job search, love, salary, search, work
Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

0

2 weeks ago

discovery, humor, masterpiece, movie, song, songs
I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

0

3 months ago

humor, i, mandatory, mood, morning, quiet, silence, think
Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

0

2 months ago

addiction, drink, event, gathering, humor, i, intervention, me, place, reasons, self-awareness, social, social event

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

51 shares on Discord this month:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

20 shares on X this month:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

47 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Just shared via Reddit:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Just landed via Twitch:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨