Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

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DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

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Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

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“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

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I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

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It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

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Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

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Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

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The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

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Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

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We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.