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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Breaking via Threads:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Spotted on Instagram:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Shared recently on WeChat:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Spotted on YouTube:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Trending via WeChat:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Breaking via Messenger:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about dreaming of a lively, energized life in a parallel universe.

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Commentary:
In that universe, I bet caffeine is the one that needs me to wake up! ☕️😂✨

day, energetic, feeling, humor, i, maybe, morning, parallel, parallel universe, refreshed, somewhere, thinking, tiredness, universe, wake, wake up, wishful, wishful thinking

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95 shares on Twitch this month:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

21 shares on X this month:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

30 shares on Threads this month:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Freshly posted on X:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Live now on Facebook:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Spotted on Twitch:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Going bananas on Slack:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Just landed via Reddit:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

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Activity Log ✨

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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