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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Just landed via X:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Making waves on X:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Breaking via Telegram:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cartoons: violence to classical beats, the original reality show! 🎻💥😄

cartoon, cartoons, childhood, classical, classical music, contrast, humor, kid, kids, maybe, music, nostalgia, reason, saw, violence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad driver, crossroads, driver, driving, humor, intersection, life, unfortunately
Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, amoeba, evolution, humor, i, leave, life, little, Monday, ocean, responsibility, stupid, worry
One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

0

2 months ago

6, adulthood, appointment, appointments, closing, closing time, every, full, full-time job, i, job, management, never, place, schedule, thing, time, time management, understand, work
Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

0

2 months ago

again, calorie, diet, food, happen, humor, indulgence, never, resolution, weekend, whatever
Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

0

5 months ago

chalk, chalk outline, crime, crime scene, here, humor, joke, lay, laziness, outline, resting, sarcasm, scene, someone, waiting
Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

0

2 months ago

account, aspiration, balance, being, difficulty, envy, expectations, financial, financial difficulty, financial envy, having, house, house shopping, houses, humor, humor about money, i, kitchen, lifestyle, luxury, me, million, money, priorities, property, sarcasm, shopping, unrealistic, unrealistic expectations, worth, zero

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

29 shares on X this month:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

83 shares on Discord this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

My love language is deader than Latin.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

13 shares on Discord this month:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

46 shares on Discord this month:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Breaking via Messenger:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Making waves on Telegram:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Trending via Reddit:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Going viral on Slack:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Live now on Telegram:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨