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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Spotted on Facebook:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Making waves on Facebook:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Just shared via WeChat:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about fashion's rejection of repeat clothing purchases, humorous and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Me: *finds the perfect item of clothing* Fashion industry: "That was so last season, darling! 🤷‍♀️💁‍♂️ #FashionForward"

again, buy, clothing, fashion, favorite, humor, i, industry, irony, item, me, repetition, same, shopping

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97 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

13 shares on Threads this month:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Going bananas on Discord:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Just shared via Instagram:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Trending via WeChat:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Spotted on Twitch:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

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Activity Log ✨

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨