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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Just landed via Messenger:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Just shared via Instagram:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Just shared via Twitch:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Shared recently on Threads:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text highlighting how men's priorities have shifted from romantic gestures to punctuality.

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Commentary:
"Guess we're lucky if we get a text back without needing a whole search party! 🏰🕵️‍♂️📱😂"

build, communication, dating, effort, expectations, humor, love, men, modern, modern love, much, relationship, replying, romance, think, time, too, used, women

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Discord this month:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

26 shares on X this month:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

100 shares on Threads this month:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Making waves on Facebook:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Breaking via Facebook:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Freshly posted on X:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Trending via Snapchat:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨