Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Just landed via Twitch:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Trending via Reddit:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Freshly posted on X:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Trending via Snapchat:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Going viral on Telegram:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Money talks, but apparently mine speaks fluent 'Goodbye'! 💸🚪 Looks like my wallet has commitment issues. 💔😆"

ever, finance, goodbye, humor, irony, mine, money, spending, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, Friday, frustration, humor, i, independence, introvert, leave, me, please, ran, small, small talk, solitude, talk, Tuesday
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

0

2 months ago

avoid, even, expectations, frustration, holiday, humor, i, ID, irony, nothing, procrastination, traffic, well
The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

0

3 weeks ago

actually, being, concept, contradiction, discomfort, disgusting, feeling, good, hair, hot, hot water, hygiene, irony, shower, showers, skin, water
It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

0

2 months ago

30, cut, escalator, frustration, humor, inconvenience, minutes, power, power cut, stand, standing, sucks, waiting
I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

0

2 months ago

chase, humor, me, murderer, outrun, reassurance, safety
My last straw is way longer than I thought.

0

2 months ago

expectation, frustration, humor, last, limit, patience, perspective, straw, surprise, thought

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Slack this month:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

75 shares on X this month:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Shared recently on YouTube:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Spotted on X:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Trending via Discord:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Making waves on Facebook:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Live now on Facebook:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨