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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has shared:

Calling someone a β€œtough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has shared:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Making waves on Facebook:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Shared recently on YouTube:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Spotted on X:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

Witty text about workplace laziness and maximizing pay with minimal effort.
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Commentary:
Mastering the art of working hard or hardly working! πŸšͺπŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸ’Έ

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

86 shares on Threads this month:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

21 shares on Discord this month:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

67 shares on Slack this month:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œYour password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If a company’s hiring sign says, β€œCome grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has viewed:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has copied:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has copied:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has copied:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has shared:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Threads:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Just landed via Facebook:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Shared recently on Threads:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Spotted on TikTok:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Trending via Snapchat:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Just landed via Instagram:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Shared recently on Discord:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Spotted on Slack:

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

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