Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m running out of people I like.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,272

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Just shared via Slack:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Just shared via Telegram:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Spotted on Facebook:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Going bananas on Instagram:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Making waves on TikTok:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

My middle finger salutes you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to give someone a standing ovation with a twist! 😆🖕🎉

attitude, finger, gesture, humor, insult, middle, middle finger, rude, rude gesture, salute, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

0

3 months ago

clean, cog, core, machine, morning, night, productivity, self-care, sexy, shower, vibe, vibes
If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

0

4 months ago

anyone, choice, conversation, dead, dinner, event, humor, i, ID, joke, living, pick, social, social event
I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

0

2 months ago

book, call, done, going, humor, i, life, oughtabiography, regrets, self-reflection, should, things, writing
Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

0

2 months ago

analogy, cheese, food, held, humor, identity, just, lasagna, much, point, self-deprecation, together
If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

0

2 months ago

being, bladder, feel, frustration, great, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, irony, pissed, thing
I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

0

2 months ago

convenience, delivery, door, everything, expectation, humor, i, irony, just, laziness, me, outside

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

17 shares on Twitch this month:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Just landed via Discord:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My middle finger salutes you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨