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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Trending via Twitch:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Spotted on Threads:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

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My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.
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Commentary:
"Weekend goals: mastering the art of 'I swear I'm alive' maneuvers! 🛋️😴💃"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

62 shares on X this month:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

55 shares on X this month:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,243

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Just landed via Reddit:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Spotted on Facebook:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Making waves on X:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Trending via Instagram:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Making waves on Twitch:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

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