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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Going viral on Threads:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Breaking via Twitch:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Breaking via YouTube:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Raising them with the proper silliness legacy 😂👶⚔️

accomplishment, comedy, culture, done, family, fan, here, humor, monty, Monty Python, parenting, pop, pop culture, python, son, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

0

2 months ago

activity, exercise, fun, fun activity, guy, humor, i, invention, jogging, music, suffering
If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

0

2 months ago

die, diet, eat, exercise, fit, fitness, health, humor, irony, life, lifestyle, well
Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

0

5 months ago

connection, humor, me, merge, merge soul, quirky, relationship, soul, weird
It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

0

2 months ago

British, culture, culture shock, geography, humor, inland, me, Midwest, people, shock, stereotype, travel
Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

0

2 months ago

box, cat, else, God, gratitude, humor, i, pet, shit, thank
One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, doctor, downside, eating, food, give, humor, marriage

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Slack this month:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

20 shares on X this month:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Just landed via Telegram:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Trending via YouTube:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Making waves on Facebook:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨