Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Live now on Facebook:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Trending via Facebook:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Trending via Discord:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Trending via Pinterest:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Making waves on Twitch:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about revenge and therapy, playful and teasing in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Revenge? I prefer to call it 'strategic planning for future laughter.' 😂🗡️🎭"

going, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, preoccupation, regret, revenge, sarcasm, therapist, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Threads this month:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

29 shares on Discord this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

30 shares on Reddit this month:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Making waves on Reddit:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Live now on Facebook:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Just landed via X:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Breaking via Discord:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Breaking via Threads:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨