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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Live now on Telegram:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Trending via Telegram:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Just landed via Reddit:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Just shared via Facebook:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Just shared via Telegram:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

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My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.
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Commentary:
"Revenge? I prefer to call it 'strategic planning for future laughter.' 😂🗡️🎭"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Being social sucks all my energy.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

39 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,525

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Just shared via Discord:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Breaking via WeChat:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Going viral on X:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Trending via Snapchat:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

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