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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Freshly posted on Reddit:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Just shared via Slack:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Spotted on YouTube:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Just landed via Pinterest:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Just landed via Snapchat:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Just shared via YouTube:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

3 weeks ago

Witty, humorous quote about using naps as a humorous escape from life.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your spirit animal is a hibernating bear 😂😴🐻

alive, avoid, being, different, existentialism, hit, humor, life, nap, naps, procrastination, sarcasm, sleep, using

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25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Live now on Pinterest:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Just landed via X:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Trending via Pinterest:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Spotted on X:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Making waves on TikTok:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Shared recently on YouTube:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Shared recently on X:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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