Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Spotted on Threads:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Going bananas on WeChat:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Just shared via Reddit:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Just shared via Twitch:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Live now on Pinterest:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Freshly posted on X:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Breaking via Reddit:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Silent road trip ninja reporting for duty! 🚗🕶️🤫

ability, car, car ride, hours, never, patience, quiet, ride, silence, speak, stare, staring, underestimate, window

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

0

2 months ago

bounce, conversation, frustration, i, leg, screaming, start, stop
Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

0

1 month ago

humor, insignificant, insignificant other, oh, relationship, sarcasm
We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

0

2 months ago

around, clumsiness, embarrassment, funny moment, idiocy, idiots, jump, knickers, least, malfunction, moment, once, playful, room, t, wardrobe, wardrobe malfunction
I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

0

3 months ago

bottle, hand, hate, i, lotion, lotion bottle, mucus, mucus plug, palm, plug, pump, skincare
There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

0

2 months ago

communication, cultural, cultural reference, digital, digital expression, emoji, emoji expression, express, expression, grief, humor, humorous, humorous quote, irish, Irish grief, Irish humor, misfortune, online, online communication, people, reference, shamrock, shamrock emoji, should
Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, adulting, home, income, lessons, life, life lessons, need, partner, peaceful, realization, realize, responsibility, stability, stable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

58 shares on X this month:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Going viral on Instagram:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Going viral on Discord:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Making waves on TikTok:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨