Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Going bananas on X:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Just landed via TikTok:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Making waves on Discord:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Seen just now on Discord:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Breaking via Twitch:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Trending via Twitch:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Seen just now on Discord:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Hope your sweet talk sounds like a buffering video 📡😂🔄

awkwardness, dirty, dirty talk, every, hope, humor, i, insult, revenge, someone, stutter, talk, time, try

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

0

2 months ago

fun, humor, humor quote, i, interaction, just, little, most, need, patience, personality, relationship, sarcasm, social, social interaction, super, teasing, time, warm
Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

0

2 months ago

confession, crime, duty, escape, funny situation, got, humor, jury, jury duty, situation, yesterday
I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

0

2 months ago

coffee, drinking, humor, i, mean, mean things, sarcasm, say, self-control, things, welcome
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

0

2 months ago

bodily, bodily function, digestion, eat, fart, food, function, ghost, ghosts, humor, joke, just, things
Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

0

3 months ago

belief, care, conspiracy, Earth, earther, flat, Flat Earther, humor, much, question, skepticism, why
If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

0

5 months ago

beyond, humor, influence, influencer, influencers, insult, media, opinion, satire, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent someone who holds me.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

52 shares on X this month:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

88 shares on X this month:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Just landed via Telegram:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Just shared via Slack:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Going viral on Threads:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Going viral on Discord:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Going viral on Twitch:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨