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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Seen just now on X:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Live now on WeChat:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Live now on Telegram:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Just landed via Slack:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Spotted on X:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Live now on WeChat:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

3 weeks ago

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I'm just here to dazzle you with my eyes while I casually mention that I can recite the entire periodic table backwards. 🤓👀🔍

awkwardness, eye, eyes, humor, just, no rizz, pretty, pretty eye, rizz, say, self-deprecating, thing, things, unsettling, unsettling thing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

96 shares on X this month:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

53 shares on Slack this month:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

41 shares on Threads this month:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Spotted on Threads:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Going bananas on Telegram:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Just shared via Threads:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Just shared via Facebook:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Just landed via Discord:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

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Activity Log ✨

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

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Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨