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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,414

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Seen just now on Slack:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Just shared via Messenger:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Spotted on Slack:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Just landed via Messenger:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Going viral on TikTok:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

3 weeks ago

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I'm just here to dazzle you with my eyes while I casually mention that I can recite the entire periodic table backwards. 🤓👀🔍

awkwardness, eye, eyes, humor, just, no rizz, pretty, pretty eye, rizz, say, self-deprecating, thing, things, unsettling, unsettling thing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on TikTok this month:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Simplicity is so complicated.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Just shared via Instagram:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Spotted on Reddit:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Seen just now on Slack:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Going viral on X:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Spotted on X:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨