Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Just landed via Instagram:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Trending via Discord:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Freshly posted on Threads:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Making waves on Twitch:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Suddenly, tree rings are the new TikTok trends 🌳🤔😂

age, aging, curiosity, day, fun, humor, i, next, old, saying, tree, wonder, young, youth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

0

2 months ago

adventure, being, darkness, fun, giggling, horse, humor, imagination, imagine, lads, mischief, trojan, Trojan horse
Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

0

2 months ago

after, alcohol, casual, drink, drinking, drunk, drunk text, going, humor, just, night, night out, send, social, text, texting, weekend
My bank account is also in retrograde.

0

2 months ago

account, astrology, bank, bank account, finance, humor, joke, money, retrograde
I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, age, favorite, favorite thing, humor, relaxation, sit, thing, where
I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

0

2 months ago

big, card, card game, cause, dollar, dollar signs, expression, eye, eye expression, eyes, gambling, game, good, good hand, hand, humor, i, player, poker, self-awareness, signs, turn
Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, doctor, humor, image, life, negativity, office, scale, self-care

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

10 shares on Slack this month:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

76 shares on Messenger this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

47 shares on X this month:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

He took my last fry, your honor.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Broadcasted on X:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Just shared via WeChat:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Just landed via Twitch:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Trending via Messenger:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Making waves on WeChat:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

My bank account is also in retrograde.

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨