One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

95 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.