My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome. Posted onMay 29, 2026
A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen. Posted onMay 29, 2026
What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell? Posted onMay 29, 2026
When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’ Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family? Posted onMay 29, 2026
When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot? Posted onMay 29, 2026
“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper? Posted onMay 29, 2026
Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!” Posted onMay 29, 2026
Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’ Posted onMay 29, 2026