Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Trending via Messenger:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Trending via Facebook:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Breaking via Slack:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Live now on X:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Savvy with the shady receipts! I’m basically a librarian of grudges. 📚😎✨

attitude, date, disrespect, expiration, forgiveness, forgot, grudges, humor, i, insult, memory, people, said, shit, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

0

2 months ago

airport, boarding, boarding gate, favorite, fitness, fitness joke, gate, humor, joke, running, travel, travel humor, workout
Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

0

5 months ago

call, cause, definitely, glitch, humor, me, mess, system, technology
My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

0

2 months ago

breakup, communication, ex, good, humor, i, me, miss, past, reception, reply, saying, sorry, technology, text, zero
Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

0

2 months ago

40s, age, assembling, floor, furniture, getting, getting older, humor, life, life stage, old, older, put, sit, sitting, sitting on floor, stage, together, too, welcome
No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

0

2 months ago

defibrillator, expectation, failure, humor, irony, joke, medical, medical joke, shock, work
I’m addicted to placebos.

0

2 months ago

addiction, health, humor, irony, joke, placebo, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

80 shares on X this month:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

13 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Spotted on Facebook:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Seen just now on Slack:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Spotted on TikTok:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

I’m addicted to placebos.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨