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Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

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I love saying โ€œsounds goodโ€ at work, and no shit be sounding good.

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If you canโ€™t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

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Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

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Iโ€™m the ick in fantastic.

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Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

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Babe, wake up, itโ€™s stupid outside!

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Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

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You used to calm me on my cell phone!

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“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

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People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

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When your neighbor's tree accidentally becomes the neighborhood's holiday beacon ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ˜‚



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