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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Shared recently on Instagram:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Trending via Reddit:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Seen just now on Discord:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Trending via Reddit:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote appreciating street-facing apartment windows and Christmas displays in a humorous way.

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Commentary:
When your neighbor's tree accidentally becomes the neighborhood's holiday beacon 🎄🌟😂

apartment, apartment window, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, display, face, gratitude, holiday, holiday humor, humor, people, public, public display, put, service, street, thank, thank you, tree, trees, window, Windows

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on X this month:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

28 shares on Slack this month:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

34 shares on X this month:

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Making waves on WeChat:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Going viral on Instagram:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Just shared via Instagram:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Going viral on Messenger:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

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Activity Log ✨

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨