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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My life is based on a true story.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Seen just now on Slack:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

Going viral on Threads:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Trending via Pinterest:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Just landed via Threads:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Making waves on TikTok:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text about a humorous job joke referencing the fetal position.

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Commentary:
Congrats on finding a position that's truly flexible! 🥳😴🍼

congratulation, fetal, fetal position, humor, i, joke, me, new, please, position, relaxation, rest, while

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65 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

77 shares on Slack this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

72 shares on Threads this month:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Just landed via Threads:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Just shared via Messenger:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Making waves on Pinterest:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Breaking via Twitch:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨