Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

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It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

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Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

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In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

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I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

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75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

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Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

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The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

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Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

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That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

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I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.