Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Freshly posted on X:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Live now on Instagram:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Spotted on Discord:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Trending via WhatsApp:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Just landed via Instagram:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Just landed via X:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Eye-rolling champions in perfect harmony! 👀🎻👫

communication, couple, couple humor, eye, eye roll, funny relationship, goal, humor, relationship, relationship goal, roll, rolls, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

0

2 months ago

bit, culture, food, humor, incompatibility, kissing, onion, onion soup, relationship, same, soup, strange, think
If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

0

2 months ago

alone, better, left, likes, person, type
Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

0

2 months ago

dynamic, friendship, gender, hang, humor, LGBTQ, men, orientation, relationships, sexual, sexual orientation, social, social dynamic, stereotypes, straight, why, women
Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

0

2 months ago

boost, buying, credit, credit score, debt, finance, food, food stamp, grocery, humor, management, money, money management, score, shopping, should, stamp
Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

0

2 months ago

cake, eat, enjoy, humor, indulge, life, promise, today, tomorrow
My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

0

2 months ago

borrowing, chin, chin hair, hair, humor, husband, losing, naming, relationship, tweezers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

11 shares on X this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

57 shares on TikTok this month:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

77 shares on Slack this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Just shared via Twitch:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Making waves on Twitch:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Just landed via Instagram:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Trending via Telegram:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Breaking via Snapchat:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Trending via Snapchat:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨