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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Spotted on X:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Just shared via WeChat:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Breaking via Instagram:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Making waves on Telegram:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Going viral on Telegram:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Going viral on Reddit:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

1 month ago

Funny quote about a lazy, job-stealing immigrant with a playful twist on Schrödinger's paradox.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the mysterious Schrodinger's Immigrant – mastering the art of being both industrious and idle all at once! 🤔💼🕰️ Should we applaud their multitasking skills or simply marvel at the quantum leaps in job security dynamics? 🤣👷‍♂️💼 #SchrodingersImmigrant #JobMarketJokes

humor, immigrant, irony, job, lazy, paradox, person, Schrodinger, stealing, too, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Telegram this month:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

85 shares on Discord this month:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Making waves on Discord:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Making waves on Twitch:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Spotted on Twitch:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Trending via Discord:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Just landed via Instagram:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Trending via X:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Going viral on Messenger:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

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