Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.