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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

About to form my very first opinion.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,942

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m sick of living through history!

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Spotted on Telegram:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Shared recently on Threads:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Going viral on Slack:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Trending via Telegram:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Trending via Instagram:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

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Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.
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Commentary:
When the local grocery store tells you to keep your produce covered 🍏🧺😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WeChat this month:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

32 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

65 shares on Slack this month:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,845

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Spotted on Discord:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Trending via Twitch:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Just landed via Reddit:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Trending via Twitch:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Trending via X:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Trending via Instagram:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

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