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Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Spotted on Twitch:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Just landed via Telegram:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Seen just now on Threads:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

17 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about grooming humor, suggesting over-the-top dedication with a witty twist.

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Commentary:
That's some serious commitment to the art of posting! 🪒😄

body, body hair, case, grooming, hair, humor, just, media, post, preparation, shaved, shaving, social, social media

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12 shares on Telegram this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

62 shares on TikTok this month:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

46 shares on X this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Just landed via Facebook:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Seen just now on Threads:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Going viral on Slack:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Trending via Telegram:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Going viral on WeChat:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

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Activity Log ✨

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

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Activity Log ✨

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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