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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Going viral on Telegram:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Going viral on Messenger:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Going viral on Instagram:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Freshly posted on X:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Seen just now on Instagram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

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Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the latest trend in public transportation chic: the art of coughing on the bus. 🚌💨 Who needs perfume or cologne when you can just share your germs instead? 😷💁🏻‍♂️ Just remember folks, sharing is caring… unless it's germs. 🤣🤢 #CoughingCouture"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

74 shares on Slack this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Just landed via TikTok:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Just shared via Instagram:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Making waves on TikTok:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Breaking via Telegram:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Freshly posted on X:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

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