Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

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Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

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Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

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We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

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Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

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Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

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Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

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Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.