Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,297

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Live now on Telegram:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Spotted on Telegram:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Trending via Pinterest:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Going bananas on Threads:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Trending via Instagram:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Trending via Twitch:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Pro tip: Use the 'delay shipping' option on words! 🚚💨🤭"

after, better, communication, humor, i, irony, left, mistake, realize, regret, say, saying, silence, things, thoughts, unsaid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

0

2 months ago

day, humor, next, optimism, procrastination, seize, suck, sucks
No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, ghost, humor, i, interaction, living, remark, seance, social, social interaction, talk, want, witty, witty remark
Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

0

2 months ago

cd, collection, excuse, found, funny excuse, humor, i, late, lateness, music, nostalgia, old, old technology, procrastination, sorry, technology
Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

0

2 months ago

apologize, car, driving, hit, humor, i, personality, personification, pothole, sometimes, vehicle
I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

0

2 months ago

attention, childhood, family, humor, i, just, longing, me, miss, nephew, old, someone, want, washroom, year
Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

0

2 months ago

news, newspaper, reading, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Spotted on Telegram:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Live now on Facebook:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Making waves on Reddit:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Going viral on Snapchat:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Just landed via Facebook:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨