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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Live now on X:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Just landed via TikTok:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Going viral on WeChat:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Trending via Snapchat:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Going bananas on Discord:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Spotted on Telegram:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

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Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.
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Commentary:
Channeling my inner elf today, so I’ll be busy spreading glitter and giggles instead of spreadsheets and seriousness! 🎄🧝‍♀️✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

42 shares on Discord this month:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Just shared via WeChat:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Just shared via Telegram:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Going viral on Slack:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

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