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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Just landed via TikTok:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Seen just now on Discord:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Going viral on Telegram:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Making waves on TikTok:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about missing time due to enjoying happiness at home.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When happiness holds you hostage, even alarms wave white flags! 😂⏰🏡

apology, being, being happy, caught, excuse, got, happiness, happy, home, humor, i, late, lateness, sorry

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73 shares on Slack this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

86 shares on Discord this month:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Men are very good at being women lately.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Just shared via Pinterest:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Spotted on Reddit:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Spotted on X:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Just shared via Threads:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Live now on X:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨