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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Live now on Threads:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Going viral on Slack:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Shared recently on TikTok:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Just landed via Telegram:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

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Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.
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Commentary:
Monitoring bars would have the whole neighborhood on "sip and stakeout" duty! 🍻🕵️‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

22 shares on Reddit this month:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,298

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Going viral on YouTube:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Trending via Reddit:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Live now on Threads:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

Breaking via Slack:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Just shared via X:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Shared recently on Threads:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Spotted on WeChat:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

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