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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,394

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Just landed via Discord:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Seen just now on X:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Just landed via Instagram:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Breaking via Instagram:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Trending via YouTube:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Guess I was a trendsetter and didn't even know it! 😂📉🚫

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, CEO, corporate, disparity, economic, economic disparity, employee, employee salary, employees, experiment, hear, humor, live, me, month, ok, reality, reality show, salary, satire, show, social, social experiment, where, workplace
I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

0

2 months ago

humor, just, obvious, pointing, pointing out, professional, sarcasm, skilled, smart, wit
My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

0

4 months ago

deserve, humor, i, irony, relaxation, self-awareness, still, thinking, toxic, toxic trait, trait, travel, vacation, while
First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

0

2 months ago

activity, awkward, awkward moments, date, exactly, first date, fun, fun activity, humor, icebreaker, idea, minutes, moments, person, phones, relationship, surprise, switch
This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

0

2 months ago

act, act right, feel, humor, left, left outside, needs, outside, right, year
People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

0

2 months ago

bullet, catch, challenge, humor, joke, people, practice, skill, teeth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on WeChat this month:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

23 shares on Threads this month:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

56 shares on X this month:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Making waves on Slack:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Going bananas on Discord:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Going viral on Telegram:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Making waves on Twitch:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Going viral on Snapchat:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Just landed via TikTok:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨