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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,992

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Just shared via Reddit:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Making waves on Twitch:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Going viral on Slack:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Trending via Telegram:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Just shared via Pinterest:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, a cozy cuddle that doesn't leave you feeling deflated! 😂🎈 #RealDealSnuggles"

activity, affectionate, best, cuddle, done, fun, fun activity, humor, intimacy, lighthearted, ones, relationship, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

1 month ago

banana, bananas, bet, comparison, fruit, humor, i, jealousy, monkey, much, ownership, taken, thing, whole
I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

1 month ago

appreciation, car, hit, humor, ID, kind, kind stranger, life, me, perspective, point, say, stranger, thank, thank you, where
Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

1 month ago

animal, cute, cute animal, distraction, dog, donut, funny moment, humor, i, late, moment, pet, photos, procrastination, shape, sleeping, sorry, take
They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

1 month ago

back, banh, banh mi, comeback, food, foodie, humor, i, joke, life, mi, never, pho, restaurant, said, spot, Vietnamese
Drive like no one is watching.

1 month ago

carefree, drive, freedom, fun, humor, road, watching
When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

2 months ago

fighting, hockey, i, last, Oreo, over, pretend, watch

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Trending via Threads:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Breaking via Instagram:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Making waves on Discord:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Just landed via Slack:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Making waves on Reddit:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

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Activity Log ✨

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Drive like no one is watching.

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Manifesting you in my bed.

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

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The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Drive like no one is watching.

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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